Erela Bronya

“What are you going to name her?” Asked Mr. Hern.“Erela, Erela Bronya Crossen.” I said, whispering her name with the utmost of affection.“What does it mean?” Asked Mr. Hern.“Angel with armor, strength and protection.”“Perfect. It’s a name for a strong person. A fighter. A protector. A warrior.” He said.“That Erela is.”

(quoted from ‘Paying For His Mistakes’ on wattpad)

Source : http://www.wattpad.com/3486312-paying-for-his-mistakes-watty-awards-2012-chapter#!p=3

Tadi adalah sekilas kutipan dari sebuah cerita yang berasal dari situs Ebook yang sering saya baca yaitu www.wattpad.com

Ceritanya bagus, meskipun agak sedikit nggak masuk akal karena membawa-bawa dunia myth dengan jadiin dunia werewolf sebagai latar ceritanya. Tapi yah cerita itukan emang diposnya dalam kategori fiksi, jadi kita nggak bisa ngejudge, apalagi jalan ceritanya emang bagus dan berbeda sama kebanyakan cerita-cerita yang saya baca di buku-buku lainnya.

Kalo menurut saya sih alurnya bagus, konsep ceritanya mateng, sudut pandang dan pesannya udah mantap dan nggak banyak cliché-cliché yang aneh dan dipaksain, juga ngandung pesan yang bagus tentang self empowering, perjuangan, ketegaran, pembuktian diri dan ada yang berbau-bau kesetaraan gender pula (berhubung tokoh utamanya cewek).

Oke cukup bahas Ebooknya karena tujuan post kali ini adalah bukan untuk ngereview tuh Ebook. Bagi yang emang penasaran mau lanjut baca silakan klik aja link yang udah saya sediakan diatas. Gratis, gak pake bikin account pun kita bisa free baca. Percaya deh ama omongan saya yang udah berpengalaman stalking tanpa nama dan tanpa account. :D

Tapi karena situsnya berbahasa inggris ya jadi sabar sabar aja bacanya deh… lumayan buat sambil ngelatih bahasa kok haha

Anywaaay…

Yang mau saya bahas disini adalah tentang nama Erela Bronya tersebut. Yang menurut saya adalah suatu nama yang bagus sekali.

Erela : Angel/Malaikat, Messenger

Bronya : Armor/Pakaian Perang, Strength/Kekuatan, Protection/Perlindungan

Daan kalo digabungin, menurut interpretasi saya, adalah menjadi sosok malaikat kuat yang dilengkapi dengan perlindungan persenjataan pakaian perang.

Aish mantap bangaat didengarnya. Kebayang dong kalo ada cewek dengan nama begitu pasti diotak kita yang pertama terlintas adalah sosok wanita cantik, anggun dan suci (karena dikaitkan dengan konteks malaikat) tapi tidak menye-menye. Wanita itu kuat, tegar, tough, seorang ‘petarung’, ‘pelindung’, dan ‘ksatria’. Tapi meski begitu wanita tersebut tetap elegan dan memancarkan aura yang seolah meneriakkan bahwa dia bukan wanita sembarangan.

Personally, gue cinta banget sama nama itu. Bahkan nama blog inipun awalnya mau saya kasih domain herelabronya.blogspot.com namun setelah melakukan beberapa pertimbangan dan beberapa telepon lagi dengan Ocha (sahabat saya yang sudah saya sebut dipost sebelumnya yang punya andil besar dalam pembentukan blog ini) saya mutusin bahwa lebih cocok domain yang sekarang ini.

Alasan kenapa-kenapanya akan saya paparkan di waktu yang akan datang. (Nunggu mood nulis dulu hehehe).

Itulah besar kesukaan saya dengan nama Erela Bronya ini. Saya sampai mau memakaikan nama ini disuatu tempat (selain jadi nama disurat mata pelajaran korespondensi saya -_- ).

Mungkin ada beberapa yang bertanya “Kenapa nggak dijadiin nama anak buat masa depan aja?” yak seperti kita ketahui bahwa trennya anak muda sekarang ini adalah : karang nama buat anak di masa yang akan datang, buat persiapan aja, even though you’re single in the moment.

Gue bukannya gakmau dan sok antimainstream kronis. Tapi kebayang gak sih kalo anak gue dinamain Erela BRONYA. Erelanya sih nggak masalah, bagus, nah BRONYA nya itu yang jadi masalah. Mau dipanggil apa nanti dia. Bisa-bisa dicengin dipanggil ‘Bro’ atau malah ‘NYAK’.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….

Kalo cuma Erela nanti artinya jadi malaikat doang, tanpa armor-nya. Rasanya kurang gimanaa gitu gak nendang kayak ‘Angel with an armor’. Yang punya kesan though but still have her own elegance.

Kalo nyinggung Erela-Erela ini gue jadi keinget tugas mata kuliah pengembangan diri gue dulu pas baru awal masuk.

Tugasnya adalah : gambar sebuah benda yang melambangkan ingin dikenang sebagai pribadi apa kamu nanti?

Dan gambar gue saat itu adalah pohon kelapa.

Kenapa pohon kelapa?

Karena gue pengen dikenang sebagai orang yang tenang tapi kuat. Seperti pohon kelapa yang berdiri kokoh ditengah terpaan angin laut yang kencang, meskipun sedikit goyang karena arus ‘angin’ memang terkadang terlalu kencang dan menggoncangkan pohon tersebut, tapi nggak sekalipun dia ‘lepas’ dari ‘akarnya’. Kalaupun pada akhirnya dia lepas, itu tandanya dia udah tumbang udah nggak ada harapan lagi. Hopeless…

Selain itu gue juga pengen kayak pohon kelapa yang bisa tumbuh subur lebat di lingkungan yang beda dari kebanyakan tanaman lain yang hidupnya paling keras mentok mentok cuma dipinggir-pinggir jalan, itupun masih dirawat sama bagian pertamanan, bahkan ada yang manja banget bertengger dipot. Udah mewah banget deh itu hidup sitanaman kalo udah dipiaranya didalem pot. Beda sama pohon kelapa yang stoic di pantai-pantai gersang nan panas.

Dan meski lingkungan tumbuh dia itu sulit, tapi pohon kelapa tetap bisa tumbuh normal tanpa ngerepotin dan bahkan bisa memberikan manfaat lebih terhadap manusia. Kalo ini pasti udah pada tau semua ya, pohon kelapa emang hampir semua bagiannya bisa dipergunain.

Kenapa gue make bahasa yang ribet ‘dipergunain’ segala?

Karna disini gue gak lagi bahas tentang pohon kelapanya doang, tapi juga dikaitin sama diri gue.

Dan gue enggaaaak mauuuu dimanfaatin. Cuih..

Anyway..

Ada satu display picture BBM yang pas buat tema post kali ini.

“Tuhan, Jadikan aku wanita yang lembut namun tidak rapuh. Dan jadikan aku wanita yang kuat namun bukan pemberontak”

Oke, cukup sampe sini ngomporin emansipasinya.

Berhubung jam sudah menunjukkan pukul 2.27 pagi, saya pamit undur diri dulu.

Bye, folks!

(P.S. : by the way maaf ketidakkonsistenan gue saat menulis post ini dimana pas awalnya gue nge-refer diri gue dengan ‘saya’ tapi ditengah-tengah malah berubah jadi ‘gue’ lagi. Iya, gue nyadar kok. Old habits dies hard I guess. Dan maklum yaaah ini udah paaaagi gitu jadi udah agak semrawut otak.)

Confusion

I am confused of who I am. Of what can I do.. Of what I can not do.. Of what I worth.. Of even I worth of anything? That’s still a mystery for me. In my nineteen years of life. Yes, nineteen. I still don’t know who I am. Tragic. I know it is really tragic. And awful.

People always says that it’s the journey that count, not the destination. But what if I already gone through the journey, and reach my destination, but I still didn’t find anything that count. The only answer that I can think right now is maybe my destination is not really my destination. My desired destination. If it really is the case, then what is my real and desired destination?

I always set my goals to be the best and to be the ‘wow’ one. I want to be a first rank in my elementary school –I think that’s my first serious goal in my life- and I got it. I wanna be in the ‘special’ class at the favourite junior high school, I got it. Then I was curious about the English language because my bestfriend in senior high school is a pro at it. I thought that language was very cool, and the fact that not many student in my enviroinment advanced it only add up the swag. I learned it, then I got it again, until now thank God. I like dancing and also drumband. I joined both, not caring that people think that I can made it through the lesson at ‘special’ class and both of my extracurricular. I brushed them off. I just do what I wanna do.

 I think my favourite phrase is : when people say that you can’t do it. Just turn your back and them and say “watch me”

But then I received a first blow. I failed at the entrance test of one of the favourite SHS at my town. But I picked myself off and showed everyone that I still have it in me. My national examination’s result is considered very good that I can applied for the SHS at the Capital City. Again, I success.

But I repeated that pattern when I was off to college. Go straight to the case, I was rejected at first but then I got my second best option.

Maybe some of you was labeling me as a nerd by now, seeing almost all of my achievement was at the educational department. Yes, I am a nerd. But I am not really a nerd. Confused?

Let me tell you that actually in my mind I am actually a rebel. For some reason that I will tell you later. Long story, not enough space and time. And I also have a pretty good social life considering that I was a dancer back at the school. I was at the main squad. And yes, I am the only one in my squad that got in the science class. Talk about double life. But I think I pull that quite well. I always do the performance and always stays in the Best 10 in my class.

And at the last year of my study. I rushed that rank up to the third rank. What a sweet-tasty victory *dance*

Then what’s the problem?

Just one. The words from them. “she maybe get a good grade, but it’s the amount of time that she used to just slacking off and going around with her friends that I can’t stand”.

All the teenager will automatically think “what the hell? That’s supposed to be a good think right?”. I wish that I can put that mindset on them. They just didn’t get it. Based only from their words, it proves that I can manage my time well. Doing the study and social life and a ‘me’ time.

Why does they have a problem with that? I am just having some fun without forgetting about my responsibility. Is that wrong????

You can safely say that they are one of the old-fashioned close-minded and not-receiving-any –of-social-change in the world.

And that’s why I feel so confused in my nineteen years of live. That’s why I always questioning my destination. That’s why I feel like I didn’t achieve anything in my life. That’s why I feel so alienated in this world. I mean nobody can really understand my problem, right? Because to be honest, I still didn’t grasp the meaning of all of this. If I told anyone about this, they’ll just laughed at me and say “poor you”, “just accept your fate” or maybe even the cliché word like “they just doing it on your favor” and “they only do it because they care so much about you, they love you”.

Yeah I told you that because right now it’s the biggest thing that bother me. Another case will soon follow after this. Yes, this not the only problem that I have.

It maybe will seems as a little bits. But if that occurred repeatedly in your life since you’re just an infant, then I guess it safe to say that it messed up my mind. Like the song that says “my heart can’t possibly break when it doesn’t even whole to start with”. My principle of live wasn’t been found yet when I have all of these problems. And I always been told a different principle from the elders of my family, so being the little puppet I was (when I was a kid), I followed them all without sorting them with my personality, my ‘me’.

So now I’m confused of who I am. Because I can be a nerd, a jock, the popular, the loner, the mean, the rebellious, the sweet one, the goodie-two-shoes, the rebel, the flirty, the cool, or even the shy one. Depends how I set myself to be or even depends on my mood.

Am I having a schizophrenia disease? No, because I still have a ‘me’ touch in all of those mode. And I have a full control of what I wanna be.

Am I an opportunist? Maybe, but did those opportunist ever questioning about what they want and what they need? I don’t think so.

I think I just didn’t find myself yet. I was wondering if maybe I need some spiritual journey like Julia Roberts did in Eat, Pray, Love??

Because if I didn’t know who I really am? How can I presented my true self to all that I loved? Was I feeding lie to them all of these time? But I didn’t meant to do that. I really didn’t. I don’t know how people in my life manage to stay close to someone as confusing as me. Even I am confused with myself.

When I take a ‘me’ time and just thinking about things. I really tried to find out what’s the matter with me but each time I failed to find what’s wrong with myself. I just come to one conclusion that what’s wrong with me is that I can’t find out what’s wrong with me.

I don’t blame people if they can’t get me because really, really-really even I can’t get myself. Now that’s what we called pathetic.

I am pathetic.

Because honestly I think I just reached a peak of my mind-growth (is that even a word?). There isn’t any point of view that I can’t see. Or maybe there’s still another mind thing that I haven’t explored yet, my mind just screamed  “OVERLOAD! TOO MANY! CONFUSING!”.

Screamed that my mind is tired.

Sometimes I wonder how it’s feel to learn them one by one, by real experience (not just a mind-tiring journey and obviously not just a calculation or anticipation of my mind). I wonder how to feel all of that sad experience without my early-defenced mind. And to grieve about that and finally… finally at the end I picked some lesson from that.

It feels like my live has always been controlled by my mind.

Sounds great maybe. But in fact, it certainly not. I feel like a robot. Put a program in there and everything will happen accordingly.

And the whiny part of me was just hoping that there’s anything that can help me picked up myself, that could lead me out of this tiring-confusing mind of mine.

How can I expect someone to understand me? Maybe by some miracle –if God thinks that’s a convenient thing to give to someone like me- there’s someone outside that can see through all of these façade. Someone that can help me and lead me out of this confusion.

Help me to be a better me…

But it just a maybe. Just a last hope of mine. The last solution after going to Eat-Pray-Love-Journey.

That’s one hell of a hope because I also have trust issues.

What a messed up person I am?

Perdana

Yah setelah lamaaa menjadi pembaca dari beberapa blog buatan orang lain (meskipun nggak sering sering banget) akhirnyaaa......

Saya punya blog sendiri

oke mungkin ini terdengar norak karena gue yakin banyak pas baca ini teriak didalem hati "kemana aja lo selama iniii? hidup digoa apa sampe baru gini hari punya blog??"

yah emang gue tau,tau banget malah, kalo sekarang itu orang udah pada nggak ngeblog lagi. Udah gak hip lagi lah istilahnya. Tapi gue ngeblog disini bukan buat hip-hip an yah. Gue udah lama kok familiar sama yang namanya blog.

Oke mulai berbau bau sok nih tulisan gue. Jadi ceritanya gue punya sahabat deket namanya Rosa a.k.a Ocha. Nah dia ini emang penulis banget deh jiwanya sampe kalo gak salah pas blog kambingjantan ramai jadi perbincangan,gak lama dia pun membuat blog. Dan gue bersama dengan jiwa kepo gue pun langsung menginvasi blognya dia ini. Gue baca baca postnya lalu gue komen komenin meski gue nggak punya akun sendiri.

Terus suatu saat dalam kepala gue muncul pikiran "kenapa gue nggak bikin blog aja?" tapi secepat pikiran itu datang, secepat itu pula otak gue ngingetin "lo tuh orang males len, mau-mauan doang gak konsisten, mau jadi apa nanti blog lu. paling abis sebulan bikin langsung tew jadi kuburan."

Dan singkat cerita guepun menceritakan kegalauan gue yang nggak penting ini ke Ocha. Dia pun sebagai sahabat yang baik  ngusulin supaya blog dia kita adminin berdua aja. Gue iya iya aja pas itu, tapi ujung-ujungnya tetep aja gak dilaksanain. Huf...

Perbincangan tentang blog inipun lama kelamaan kekubur berkat kesibukan gue di SMA. Tugas-tugas yang berjibun dan mahanyusahin silih berganti menghadang gue. Ditambah ekskul dance gue dan lebih parah lagi saat gue resmi jadi anak ipa. Pelajarannya ituloooh yang bikin gue sering nyebut -_-

Sampe akhirnya saat ini, tanggal 9 menuju 10 juli 2012, saat gue udah jadi mahasiswi di salah satu akademi sekretari yang beken #eaaaaa , saat gue memasuki masa masa libur semester 2 yang panjaaang tanpa kegiatan dan arah yang pasti (halah). Gue lagi iseng main notebook dan gatau kenapa malah jadi nyasar baca-bacain blognya ocha lagi.

Abis baca baca baca baca dan ngepo(lagi)... keinginan yang lama terpendam itupun nongol dan mumpung bahan yang dibutuhkan sudah ada ditangan (notebook, internet, modem, waktu luang, etc) akhirnya gue bikinlah ini solitudenight.blogspot. Sebuah blog yang dihasilkan dari campuran kebetean, kenggakadakerjaan, kebanyakanwaktuluang, dan keinginan gue untuk mencurahkan isi kepala gue di suatu wadah tertentu.

Dan gak berapa kemudian setelah gue utak atik cara kerjanya. Lahirlah pos perdana dengan judul "Perdana" ini. Gak kreatif banget emang.

And what's left for me to say is

Happy start blogging for me. This blog certainly will be kind of my personal diary or whatever.

And for you people out there who read this post..

Enjoy my writing!

Even though there's a high possibility that it'll be suck ._.